Life Update: Before 2019 Ends

24 December 2019

Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot more like 2013 Lois (still cannot believe it’s already been 6 years since then), than 2019 Lois. And I’d like to think that I’m in a good place right now because of it. Why? It’s because the Lois then was so full of life. I believed I could achieve great things, neither scared nor anxious, not even the littlest bit, about the future. As a matter of fact, my motto was, “If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough” (I saw it on Tumblr and decided I couldn’t let go of it so it stuck with me). I wanted to become a journalist, a writer, a singer, a doctor, and a whole other list of things that I deemed worthy of living for. I also wanted to work for the UN, and I still do. It’s probably the most rewarding, yet humbling career path, IMO.

It’s crazy because 2013 was also the year when I met my best friend, turned boyfriend, Cyrill, with whom I’m still happily in a relationship, up to this day. He taught me a lot of things that I otherwise would not have learned or would’ve taken a longer time to learn by myself. He showed me how to love myself because and not just in spite of my insecurities, how to stop being down for people who wouldn’t do the same for me (this one took the most effort, I think), how to invest in the real friends I already have, how to aim for success while still taking care of myself, and how to live everyday without fear of missing out on anything, among many others I continue to live by. 

Just recently I read a tweet that said, “The first and second halves of 2019 felt like 2 different years” (or something like that), and I think that’s the truest, most relatable conclusion I’ve read about this year, so far. First half of 2019, I was radiating energy. I was on a good-GWA-high from finishing freshman year,

went on a Euro trip with my family, and then came back ready for sophomore year. When the second half of 2019 came, I struggled for real. I couldn’t keep up with the Monday to Saturday, 7am to 7pm, 34-unit sem that I had. I barely talked to my high school best friends,

only saw Cyrill a couple of times (parang LDR talaga kami), and basically went MIA for 5 months. I even got sick at least twice, dealt with dull skin full of breakouts, lost my apple pencil more than once, found it again and again, failed so many exams (both GenEd and major ones), cut one of my classes to watch a UAAP semi-finals game (which we won), cried a looot,

and spent so much of my allowance/stipend on unnecessary, impulsive online shopping (not the best coping mechanism, I admit).

BUT I also managed to finally have a solid group of college friends,

visit Central Perk in Singapore over the sembreak,

be so much better in basketball, have countless samgyupsal dates, gain 2 more inches on my waist, overcome even worse homesickness, survive my first revalida, pull my grades up just in time before the semester ends,

become a ninang for the second time,

kill virtual zombies with a squad,

party really hard with my best friends (said good bye to my very boring lola self), 

attend agape AND paskuhan for the first time (missed last year's because I was in Korea with my family),

finally see (actually hear lang since I forgot to bring my glasses, but it didn't matter) Ben and Ben live, and now happily enjoy family time back in the province.

I don’t even know what I want to achieve with this post. Siguro update lang? And to justify why I haven’t been writing for months. Again, sorry. I also wanted to say, don't dwell on the “it doesn’t feel like Christmas anymore” posts. I always see that quite a lot on socmed during the holiday season. Spend time with your loved ones. Do something that makes you absolutely happy. After all, for all you other college kids like me out there, the next sem is just waiting around the corner and is gonna come at us soon enough. We’re gonna be overworked and sad again. But for now, we have a few weeks. Relax.

If there is something I’m planning on bringing with me to 2020, it would be to keep making memories. I never want to look back at this time of my life and say, “Sana…” or “Dapat…” or “Kung…” And I hope you don’t want that, too.

That's it for now. It's been a long time since I shared something personal on the blog. Thanks for dropping by. Have a Merry Christmas wherever you are, take care always, and love lots!

♡ Lois

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